Arriving late for work every day

Tom retired in his early 50's and started a second career. However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with him. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Tom, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers."

Tom replied, "Yes, sir, I know. I'm sorry, but I am working on it."

"That's what I like to hear," his boss said. "However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn't that correct?"

Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I'm mighty proud of it!" said Tom.

This year's term: Political Correctness. 

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address...

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel.  There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.  However he accidentally left out one letter in her address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.  

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a U.S. Army Chaplain who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.  After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.  The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: my loving wife

Subject: I've arrived

Date: May26th 2007

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.  I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then.  Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral , United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, " Admiral , United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both Judges."

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection." The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."